I have always been addicted to people. not because i liked them but because it distracted me from myself. Growing up, my brother had got the most attention and I could only of felt in the way. I feel like my father was away frustrated with life. His actions had always been reactive. I was terrified of this man! So much so that after he came at me for the last time with my trust i had been cornered under the bed having him hell at me to come out. He did not get what he wanted to he grabbed my guitar that i made with my own to hand. My one item in my life that I had kept to reinsert me pride, He picked up and slammed it on the ground shattering my "life" into pieces for the last time. From there i moved out, well into the basement. I never went up stars or talked to anyone. This started my distancing from others. I began to see myself as inferior to other, someone who was simply in the way. Depression is a bitch, for i wish it on to no one. More so the anxiety, that kept me from getting anywhere fast but in circles dealing with problem after problems that were simply my own doing. I cant hair this disease because the anxiety is what had help me pure and untainted. without it the depression would have taking me under with its heavy currents. I know i couldn't be alone, not because i was lonely but telling myself I'm board, Its ADHD I tell people, always having to be doing something. Miss diagnoses i believe was the root of all of my life. But, the anxiety kept me moving, my grandma always told me is never good to be not busy. I believe she suffered from the same thing but i will never know. we used to make projects for our self. always having something to do kept me out of the house of yelling, throwing, fighting, emotional abuse and at times physical abuse.
Saturday, October 14, 2017
The Addiction
I have always been addicted to people. not because i liked them but because it distracted me from myself. Growing up, my brother had got the most attention and I could only of felt in the way. I feel like my father was away frustrated with life. His actions had always been reactive. I was terrified of this man! So much so that after he came at me for the last time with my trust i had been cornered under the bed having him hell at me to come out. He did not get what he wanted to he grabbed my guitar that i made with my own to hand. My one item in my life that I had kept to reinsert me pride, He picked up and slammed it on the ground shattering my "life" into pieces for the last time. From there i moved out, well into the basement. I never went up stars or talked to anyone. This started my distancing from others. I began to see myself as inferior to other, someone who was simply in the way. Depression is a bitch, for i wish it on to no one. More so the anxiety, that kept me from getting anywhere fast but in circles dealing with problem after problems that were simply my own doing. I cant hair this disease because the anxiety is what had help me pure and untainted. without it the depression would have taking me under with its heavy currents. I know i couldn't be alone, not because i was lonely but telling myself I'm board, Its ADHD I tell people, always having to be doing something. Miss diagnoses i believe was the root of all of my life. But, the anxiety kept me moving, my grandma always told me is never good to be not busy. I believe she suffered from the same thing but i will never know. we used to make projects for our self. always having something to do kept me out of the house of yelling, throwing, fighting, emotional abuse and at times physical abuse.
I have always been addicted to people. not because i liked them but because it distracted me from myself. Growing up, my brother had got the most attention and I could only of felt in the way. I feel like my father was away frustrated with life. His actions had always been reactive. I was terrified of this man! So much so that after he came at me for the last time with my trust i had been cornered under the bed having him hell at me to come out. He did not get what he wanted to he grabbed my guitar that i made with my own to hand. My one item in my life that I had kept to reinsert me pride, He picked up and slammed it on the ground shattering my "life" into pieces for the last time. From there i moved out, well into the basement. I never went up stars or talked to anyone. This started my distancing from others. I began to see myself as inferior to other, someone who was simply in the way. Depression is a bitch, for i wish it on to no one. More so the anxiety, that kept me from getting anywhere fast but in circles dealing with problem after problems that were simply my own doing. I cant hair this disease because the anxiety is what had help me pure and untainted. without it the depression would have taking me under with its heavy currents. I know i couldn't be alone, not because i was lonely but telling myself I'm board, Its ADHD I tell people, always having to be doing something. Miss diagnoses i believe was the root of all of my life. But, the anxiety kept me moving, my grandma always told me is never good to be not busy. I believe she suffered from the same thing but i will never know. we used to make projects for our self. always having something to do kept me out of the house of yelling, throwing, fighting, emotional abuse and at times physical abuse.
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